We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.

Exhibit A:


” We accept the love we think we deserve”

That statement is just dripping with responsibility and I like that.

What a powerful cliche. The thing about cliche’s is that many times they are cliche because they are truths. Truth has a way of cycling around over and over and over again until you take notice, I think sometimes we don’t want to listen so we can dismissively call them cliches and push them aside.

Anyway, we accept the love we think we deserve.

When we interact with others, whether it be in a romantic relationship, friendship or simply our relationship to our family members the way they treat us, how they love us, is a direct reflection of how we love and treat ourselves. Why? Simply because we can only see and allow into our experience what we are. Our relationships are tools that allow us to observe our own  personal paradigms. That sounds very un-romantic, but its true.

The mind we live through is made up of many perspectives, rules, and filters, we are constantly releasing and adjusting them as we go through life. We perceive the relationships around us via these filters.

We can only “accept” behavior that on some level we understand, if by chance we run into someone and do not have a reference point for them within us they will actually not exist to us, we will not actually perceive them at all. They will sweep into our reality only to blow right out again, there will be no magnetic charge to make them relevant. Everything and everyone that we perceive in our reality is in relation to our experience and through our personal reference points. Our reference points are based on our experiences and are what make things around us valid and relatable. This world is full of stimulus so our consciousness has a system of filtering out what is relevant to our progress and what is not, experiences that have no value for growth (at this point in time) are not perceived.  The weird thing about all this is, if you think about it, when you are technically having a relationship with someone you are actually in two different relationships.  This phenomenon becomes fairly obvious when you encounter conflicts as each individual party seems to be having a completely different experience than the other. You may be experiencing the same stimulus but the perception of it is digested through each persons consciousness and as a result becomes completely different.

That means the way we perceive other people loving us is actually how we love our selves. The way we perceive others as being hurtful is actually how we hurt ourselves. The dynamics of the relationship mirror specific dynamics we have been exposed to throughout our lives that eventually became who we are.  This is huge and with the realization of this it seems our only choice is to take complete responsibility for our feelings and behaviour, blame becomes completely pointless.

It’s all relative.

This is an uplifting statement because it reminds us that the people we have in our life are there in response to a dominant perspective we are holding. If our filters, or perspectives, are imbalanced we will then of course pull in someone who challenges us to bring that into harmony. A victim mentality will always attract a victimizer or persecutor, it will actually bring the persecutor role out of people who have it within them. The individuals in the relationship will play these rolls for each other until one or both of them can wake up to their own imbalance and own their part in the interaction. This allows both parties to journey through their polarity and come to a balanced point within. These polar attraction roles allow people to release karma and gain perspective.

The relationships in our lives are a litmus test for how we feel about our self and therefore what we feel like we deserve. What we deserve is determined by our personal standards which in turn directly reflect our self worth.

Perhaps a better wording for this statement is “We attract the to us the Love that we represent” or “we perceive love with other people in direct ration to how we love ourselves.”

We can see this principal play out around us with the people we interact with. We are not consistently the same with every person we have relationships with. Like colors or music we bring out aspects in each other, we always want to harmonize or reach a balance point with individuals, we call this “relating.” We cannot truly connect with others unless we relate to them and part of the relating process is resonating out the aspects within each others consciousness that need to be balanced. So your friend may be one way with you and then another way with another person and then a completely different aspect of his personality may be brought out yet again in his interactions with other people.

It is our job to be aware of how how balanced we are in order to keep the relationships in our life healthy. When we are on top of our mental and emotional health it shows that we respect ourself and as a result the people in our lives will com to respect you as well. If there is a part of you that needs adjusting you will come to know it via the mirror that relationships prove themselves to be. The best way to get the love you deserve is by making self love a priority and not being fearful or ignorant to the parts of you that need to be released.

One thought on “We Accept the Love We Think We Deserve.

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